Second Post.

My second post of the night. I'm in one of those moods. I was in one of my moods not that long ago. I was actually watching the last episode of Yu-Gi-Oh! Online (I'm a geek, I guess I'll make a post more about myself soon), and I don't know what came over me. They were talking about friendship (shocking), and Atem was moving on to where he belonged, and it honestly broke my heart. I mean, the friendship was so strong and loyal, I wonder what it's like to lose someone like that. I wonder what it's like to have a connection with someone like that.

I've never had that connection with someone. Someone whom you can totally and completely trust. I've never had a real friend. People just always leave. I usually mock myself for being so lonely. I crack jokes and laugh at myself. But then I have nights like these, where I wish I had someone to talk to. To laugh with. Someone who believed in me. And I get so worked up over it, I get so emotional over it, and it's not pretty. But then I go back to mocking myself. I don't know.

Is it me?

Everyone thinks I'm always so happy and that I have so many friends and that everything is okay.

People have no clue.

Love.

What is love? Like, what really is love? I don't think I've felt love before. Well, the love I'm talking about. I feel love for my parents, for most of my siblings....but what is it? How do you know you love someone? And when? How do you know they love you? Are words enough? Proving it? But how exactly, do they prove it? It's confusing. Scary even. I don't know if I'd be able to handle something like love.